First, the definition of delusion: a belief or impression that is firmly maintained despite what is generally accepted as reality and despite rational argument. When coming to AA (drinking), newcomers are deluded about many things that are clearly not the reality of those who are either not alcoholic or are sober and have worked the steps.
Writer’s block? No. Rather, there has been a Fullness of the absence of words. Not great for a blog, certainly not what was intended when this site was formed, but there It Is – oblivious to this laughable sense of expectation.
There are two images that came in a vision: the first one is called “Confusion”. In it, there is a tired woman, a maid, hunched on all fours scrubbing the floor her eyes are fixed on it. In a wide circumference of her body, muddy-colored hues cover its surface. Her hair is in ringlets from sweat. She has a resigned, hopeless look on her face as she moves the scrub brush in soapy circles. A sense of heaviness permeates.
Yesterday, on our daily walk, Jay and I came upon two-year old boy whose mom was about 20 feet ahead of him. Far from being upset, he leaned forward and ran bow legged toward her the way only a toddler can, muttering audibly enough to hear, but not quite clear enough for the untrained ear to understand.
I am not the ocean, but the depth of its Silence, blacker than black, more hushed than the soundless.
I stared at my husband, Jay, mouth agape, not knowing whether to laugh or cry. He had been leading up to this – first asking me to save the last weekend of September so he could take me away for a romantic trip, but refusing to tell me where.
Desires can be a big smoke screen. You think that you need someone or something, but it isn’t true. Only when you resist what is here do you desire what is not.
– Paul Ferrini,
The mind can assert anything and pretend it has proved it. My beliefs I test on my body, on my intuitional consciousness, and when I get a response there, then I accept.
– D.H. Lawrence
Premature, adj.
1. The preposterous notion that anything could occur before its proper time.
2. A comparative belief that produces nothing but suffering.
– Excerpt, “Dictionary of Mental Bondage,” Adell Shay
There are no stores in the Netherlands. Regardless of what logic espouses, my gremlins have convinced me of that. But this is not merely a belief about Europe. Regardless of my destination, during the week prior to a trip I rush from store to store like a squirrel gathering nuts for a harsh winter, stockpiling personal items as if no shopping opportunities will present themselves during my travels.