Premature, adj.

1. The preposterous notion that anything could occur before its proper time.

2. A comparative belief that produces nothing but suffering.

– Excerpt, “Dictionary of Mental Bondage,” Adell Shay

Born at 7 months, I emerged from the womb wrapped tightly in a particularly troubling concept called premature.

Now, there are all kinds of thoughts that accompany the idea of “baby too early,” all of which cause the thinker’s gut to clench, and absolutely none of which are helpful.

In this case, my mom was told that although I seemed healthy, she should remain alert, which could only be interpreted by a new mother as vigilant and alarmed.

According to the competent and well-meaning obstetrician, there were many problems that could develop as a result of being born well before the normal gestation period: My organs, likely underdeveloped, might not be strong enough to support me, particularly because, according to X-rays, I would likely turn out to be my current height, 6 feet tall.

In 1958, Scripps Hospital in San Diego offered my mom the opportunity to be part of an experimental program that included spinal injections that would stunt my growth and make my organs more compatible with my height, a program that, thankfully, she declined.

Because she did not realize what we both do now – that if something is happening, it can’t be wrong or too soon, or it wouldn’t be happening – she remained hyper-alert until I was 5 or 6. If I coughed twice, she took me to the pediatrician.

When I was naturally thin, she told herself that I was fragile.

In actuality, without the concept “premature” and all its baggage, had I been seriously ill, she and the hospital staff would have met each situation as it happened using pertinent information in that moment.

No amount of worry could have prevented or cured me of anything. But knowing that I was born exactly on time would have eliminated the burdening story, “My daughter was born before she was supposed to be; therefore, she is not developed in the way God intended.”

As happens in human consciousness, the story delivered to her was passed on to me.

In retrospect, during my life, either I felt grandiose at being smart and highly capable despite my premature birth, or I blamed health issues on it and harbored an uneasy feeling that I was defective. At no time was the fictitious and immeasurably heavy tag helpful.

On a recent day, just for fun, I Googled the word “premature”: 22.5 million hits appeared, including links to premature labor, baby, birth, death, aging, menopause, organ failure and, of course, the most popular … well, let’s just say that the related links also promise to enlarge an organ I do not have and solve something that, even when a participant in the phenomenon, I never experienced as a problem.

In perusing a dozen pages of those links, I was thunderstruck by the amount of emotional energy, money and time wasted by millions of us desperate to solve perceived problems that are not problems at all, but perceptual misunderstandings.

Then I became aware of how ridiculous it is to believe something can happen “too late.”

In general, though I may not be ready for something that occurs, or may want something else to take place earlier, that has no bearing on whether either is supposed to happen as it does. Humans interpret everything from a viewpoint, a perspective. Without that positional stance, “before” and “after” don’t exist, which leaves “What Is” simply what is.

Nevertheless, how much energy have I wasted thinking that I didn’t awaken to certain truths in time to realize something I should have known or done earlier, or that I wasted this or that part of “my” life?

How many times have I been madly dashing around the house, making life insufferable for my husband, Jay, because I was trying to avoid being late?

So, I arrive two clicks more to the right on the face of a clock than I planned or agreed to. Inevitably, I get everywhere exactly when I get there. Becoming distressed serves no one. If I miss something, it wasn’t mine to participate in. There will be something else available when I am ready for it. That never fails.

In all cases, everything is as it is. The suffering I feel and inflict on others because I’m confused about that is optional.

I must remember that the next time I am driving.