Adell Shay

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People and their memories of Adell

Sam Crawford

Unfortunately I never got to spend a lot of time with Adell. She would drop in from time to time to say hello to Cass and I when we were working through LovingSober.com with Jay and even in her ailing state the joyful lilt and passion in her voice was unmistakable. I will always be immensely grateful for that way she could make my wife feel when they had connected. Adell’s parting gift to me was to affirm my practice of “around the world meditations”. As she was ending her time on this plane I would visit her in my morning practice each day until one day when I went to see her and she was obviously not there. I immediately said to my wife Cass I think Adele has passed on and as it turns out she had. The next morning while surfing she came to me whilst I was on a wave and let me know that she was ecstatic to be free once again!

Joanne E. Frazier

Two Actually. One was in the early days of meeting Adell. I was in the throws of an emotional turmoil over an AA Relationship which had gone south. And though Adell and I only knew each other through only a couple of meetings we attended, she invited me to her home for Thanksgiving. Which I regrettable did not accept. Something I have always meant to tell her. I had moved from Redondo Beach, CA to Mesa, AZ in May 2012 and learned that Adell and Jay were speakeing at the SRI Summer Roundup in Scottsdale, AZ in 2017. Both were the picture of youth and happiness colorfully decked out in purple, teal, and lots of cool beads and silver jewelry. In Jan. of 2018, after learning of my brother's descend into drug addiction, I drove to Sedona, AZ, hoping to run into Adell at an AA Meeting. And I did, and as I poured out my heart about the pain of my brother's ruin, Adell, so smart and gifted, said, "Jay has always found comfort in his participation in Alanon." And I knew she was right. I loved her wit, her joy, and compassion, and her honesty. Jay, though you and I did not know each other very well, I want you to know, how much Adell and you meant to me all these years. Just knowing you were in Sedona was a blessing. God's grace to you, your family, friends, and anyone who she ever met and befriended. We are all so thankful.

Steven Benny Benedict

I knew Adelle over the past year through our Flagstaff Vedic meditation group on Zoom and through my dear friend and Adell’s life partner Jay . Although never met her on purpose it was always delight to see her in our class and her presence brought a love and inspiring sharing of our meditation practice. Sending all my love to Jay and his family and friends of Adelle. A beautiful and great soul that contributed so much to our world for radiance and love Levon through all of us who knew her.
Benny

Cassie Crawford

My favourite memory of Adell is from the first time I met her on zoom she radiated so much love and kindness and she just had such a strong sense of self and love of self. Adell left me every meeting just loving her more and wishing I could stay on the zoom call with her for hours. I fell so truly blessed to have had Adell come into my life and share her recovery with me I know I’m a better woman because of her.

Nancy Ruby

Adell

So much more than I knew, my friend. You’ve helped me through these years. Your love transcends the tears I shed because I fear not light. Instead you brought me might to face the fire’s sight sublime. Alone, I walk in time. The message is to climb to now.

Nancy Ruby
August 17, 2022

Pat B.

Adell loved me. 2 weeks ago, I wouldn’t have told you this unless you were a sponsor because she loved me a LOT, maybe too much. She saw the unique anonymous Pat B, with the in-to-me-see Adell way and left me with well, unspeakable nakedness. When the thing I knew but wouldn’t say got said, (death is imminent) her friends shared openly how much she meant to them. I saw my intimate experience with her reflected in all y’all. All these months of discretion I practiced, believing she loved me a too much, poof! Not necessary. Now I was in a Zoom filling up with teary-eyed faces that knew Adell’s and my little secret. Even Jay, who, instead of being grieving, jealous or angry, was now comforting me, happy for knowing I shared his joy of basking in the wonder of being held in the warmth of Adell’s regard. My fellow bee loved ones. May our experiences with Adell cross pollinate around the this blue and white globe, sweeten the jellies, and color the meanderings like these flowering stream-of-conscious scribbles of a wannabe fruitcake connoisseur, like Jay and Anonymous Adell Lovers like me.

Kathleen Shortridge

When I met Adele and shared with her it was as though I was looking into a mirror~ she had a way of becoming so transparent with me that I was safe to be at home in myself with her. Being at her memorial today made me realize how privileged I am to have shared those moments with her and I feel very connected to all the people who also shared what we know is the truth: God is love ♥

Phillip McGreevy

Seeing her sitting quietly in the Manhattan Beach 11th Step Meeting and being fortunate enough on occasion to walk and talk with her home. All my love Adell. Safe Journey. Xoxox.

Arnor

I am originally from Iceland. When I was in LA in the summer of 2008, Adell asked me if I wanted to try eating peaches. I had had peaches before and I wasn't very enthusiastic but just to be polite I said "sure, I'll try some". Adell then went to the famers market and brought back some peaches. When I tried biting into the first one I realized that the peaches I had had up until then were just peach flavored tennis balls. These peaches were not just juicy. They were also so soft that I'm sure I would have been able to drink them with a straw. The lesson this taught me wasn't only that you have better peaches in the US than what we get in Iceland, but also more important lessons: - I don't know what I don't know - when I think I know how something tastes, the thing I remember trying might not be representative of the rest or others I try in the future. When I eat fruit that is really good I often think of the peaches Adell gave me. Just yesterday I had an açaí bowl that had some mango pieces in it and I thought to myself: "Adell would have loved them". But sometimes (and I'm sorry to say that it is only sometimes) that I eat fruit that is really good and I remember the peaches, I also think to myself: "What else about life do I have misconceptions about?" Adell, without any effort and with so much grace, gave me access to that insight by giving me peaches.

Michelle O’Brien

I think this a wonderful tribute to your muse Jay. May you continue to be inspired by all she brought to your life.

Rick Rose

When Adell showed up at the Hermosa meetings my interest was piqued. Her deft sidestep of my awkward pass made perfect sense when I later saw her speaking with my sponsor. "There's a match," I thought. One day I read a remarkable piece she'd submitted to the Daily Breeze about her adventures hunting down buckwheat pancake mix. The memory of the tone she set in those pages makes my mouth water thirty years later. I fancied myself a writer and asked her to read a few pages I'd written. Like that awkward pass, she politely suggested I might not have what it takes. She quoted Capote about confusing writing with typing. Crushed, I began the work of becoming a writer. I never approached her level in that arena, but few do. Honesty can be brutal but from Adell frankness always came from a place of pure love.

Richard Beynon

Her kind smile … always! When a man has such high praise for the woman he has been married to, many years… I’m taking note. She shared her curious pleasure in the space in between rooms. That place of unknowing “When one door closes another will open”, that space between the doors, before the other opens. It frightens me the not knowing. Adell embraced that place …where you truly are in Gods hands. She gives me courage when I am in that dark space.

Wendi Goodwin

To My Sister Adell, Tyler and Hannah's Auntie Tree,
You are my world! You are Tyler and Hannah's world! You will be missed dearly and daily by all of your family your "Ohana". Our Momma loves you so much, god bless the day she had you. You are a gift to all you encountered throughout your life. I will not speak of you in the past tense. To us, as long as we are alive you will be. I hear you in my head and I feel you all over my heart and soul nonstop. Adell you are so much more than a sister to me. You are my sister, my mother, my shero, my keeper of sister secrets, unconditional love, my best friend and my safe place. You were nearly 14 years old when they brought me home. I heard from our momma my whole life that you wanted a little sister before they knew I was a girl. Mom said when they brought me home you loved me so much. I believe that because you made me feel that way for 50 years. Thank you sissy! I always wanted to be like you. I still want to be like you, my big sister Adell. I have watched you touch and change so many lives but I never knew the volume until you journeyed home. Thank you for the gift of you here on earth. Thank you for the gift of not only being my sister but my best friend. For loving me always. I will love you for always. Adell, I know you never had children of your own. You are not only Tyler and Hannah's Auntie Tree, you are their God Mother. I was so happy to have you in the room when Hannah was born. A gift you told me was life changing and priceless. Hannah and you, Auntie Tree had a priceless relationship that she will carry with her forever and a day. I'm so grateful you loved the kids calling you Auntie Tree even to this day in their 20's. The story of your name always brings a smile. You were named Auntie Tree because you are like a tree. Strong, deep rooted, storming crazy weather and yet still standing and grounded for nearly 64 years. Despite all the storms your body endured, your human body and soul persevered with grace and beauty to teach all of us through your experiences. Gosh, I love that about you. Tyler, Hannah, Harlie and our Momma will love you for always. Thank you Adell, for making the world a better place and me a better human and soul. You will be missed dearly in human form but not missed for a second in spirit! I love, admire and adore you forever and a day. Your little Sis, Wendi (Puppy Sniffles)